We had a Catholic / Baptist wedding held in a Catholic
church in front of a priest. The reception had live music and open bar for our
friends and family. The Catholics danced the evening away while the Baptists
ate. We were married on a Wednesday night right between Christmas and New Year.
Who does that? I loved my apartment with all its amenities but she wanted to
buy a house. She had a cat before we were married that she brought into the
marriage and I was highly allergic to cat dander. I loved her long brunette
hair and on our first real date, she showed up with short hair. Why did we get
married you may be asking? What did we have in common? How did two opposites
ever meet and fall in love?
Over the next couple of years, the arguments grew bigger and
louder and more noticeable to others. There were blow outs that when I would
come home after work, she would be gone. She moved out and left me a letter
about how this was not working. We got back together each time and continued to
try, but it was difficult. Marriage is work! Finally, we had a blow out and she
moved out again, this time for good. Why could we not be like other couples that
argued with the husband sleeping on the couch? This time she started the
process for filing for divorce. Yes, the “D” word. It had popped up its ugly
head a few times before but we always managed to overcome the situation. This
time was different!
I moved to an apartment and struggled getting through each
day. I just could not accept the marriage was done. Fortunately for us, a
friend of hers suggested we get counseling. I was open to anything that could
help, even seeing a priest. He was different that I had imagined. He was a
young guy. I don’t remember all that he told us that evening and I am sure he
used religious talk but all I heard was if we still loved each other, then the
“D” word should never come up. He also taught us how to argue. If you are married
and you never argue, there may be something wrong. When you get two people
living together, you are going to argue. He gave us rules to argue with that we
committed to try. She moved in the apartment with me and we began once again.
Things improved over the next couple years. We built our first custom home together and did well choosing and picking out colors and
lighting. We were even expecting out first child. I thought we had everything
we needed. A new home, good jobs, nice cars in the driveway, a sailboat, and a
pool table in the den. Our friends all commented that we had it all and were
doing very well. Or were we!
She brought a cat
into the marriage, which she got rid of for me, and I brought alcoholism into
our marriage. I was a heavy drinker before we married and it carried over into
the marriage. Drinking was a regular part of my daily routine and more on the
weekends. Now that we were faced with being parents to our first child, we had
to make some changes in our lives but I did not know what that looked like. She
did! Her and a friend down the street started visiting churches on Sundays and
when they found one they liked they drug the husbands to the church the
following Sunday. It was not fun for me! I had no interest in this at all. The
last church we visited was just OK for me. I mean I didn’t hate it! The
following week a knock came on the door and guess who? It was the pastor and
his wife. We invited them in and started our visit. Before we knew it, they
were asking us if when we died, would we go to heaven for sure! The next thing
I knew, they were praying with us and we gave our lives to Jesus that night; at
the same time. Over the next several months, I poured out every bottle / case
of beer I had in in the house and never drank a beer again. I was at church
every time the doors were open. I could not get enough of Jesus. And I discovered we didn’t have everything we
needed after all.
Here are 5 things about marriage that everyone needs to
know. Whether you are married now or getting married soon, learn from our
experience. 1) Don’t believe the myth that marriage is 50-50. It is by far
100-100 that makes it work. Each of you must give 100 % to the marriage
relationship 100% of the time. 2) Know that opposites are attracted to each
other and that is not a bad thing. We offset each other with our differences. All
these dating sites today are matching people up by likes and dislikes, but that
is not fool proof. It does not guarantee a perfect union. 3) Learn how to fight
the right way. Learn the rules and make arguing healthy and productive for the
marriage. 4) Remove the word divorce from your vocabulary and never bring it
up. Don’t use it as a crutch or an easy way out. There is no easy way out! Stay
with it. 5) Make Jesus the center of your marriage and he will see you through the
good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
My wife and I just celebrated 40 years of marriage after all
that we have been through. How did we do it? We made Jesus the center of all
that we do together. We read his book on marriage and we followed HIS plan. How
did Jesus do it? He blessed us with 3 incredible children, a loving family, and
hundreds of dear friends that hold us up and support us. I am not a marriage
specialist or counselor but Jesus is. If you don’t think God can work in your
marriage, try reading this scripture every day. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask
or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” Ephesians 3.20-21
Comments? Suggestions? Testimonies?
No comments:
Post a Comment